What is said in therapy, stays in therapy....

I had a really intense 2 hour therapy session with my Psychologist today. Little by little we have been chipping away at my hardened shell, slowly exposing very raw nerves, that painfully jolt when touched. I have learnt a great deal about myself, and about the very strange decisions I make in my life.

I know that i am extremely insecure. i tend to date men who are beneath me, so that they will be grateful to have someone like me. Also that lessons the risk of rejection. If i were to put myself on the line, and actually date a man on par with me, he may not like me?!? That's a gamble my self esteem cant quite deal with.

So i date a solid stream of 'grateful' men. men too old for me, men not in my league, men who ask, "why are you here with me, you are too good for me?"

Oh, i am definitely not saying I am the bees knees. Not by any stretch of the imagination. I am in fact believing the opposite to be true. If truth be known(and I say this to an anonymous audience) I don't like myself very much. I see myself as overweight, and not too attractive. But, we are our own worst critics, aren't we?

So can I date a man on par with me?

Put myself out on a limb?

I am really trying to work on that. But, as the saying goes, you have to learn to love yourself before anyone else can....

Let the games begin....